October 2011
1 post
Dear Mrs. Porkins:
I regret that I must write to inform you of the death of your husband, Jek Tono. He fought bravely for the Alliance to Restore the Republic, logging sixteen confirmed kills in less than 40 hours of flight time.
Jek was a fighter to the end. His last words when it was suggested he eject were “I can handle it.”
Sadly, he could not, in fact, “handle it.”
Don’t feel...
December 2010
1 post
Dear Lady Galadriel:
By now you must be aware of the death of Haldir. He fought nobly at the Battle of Helm’s Deep, but ultimately was slain by an orc while defending the walls, while defending the friendship of elves and men.
The loss of Haldir is tragic. He was a valiant soul with a dry sense of humor. I’ll never forget when he told Gimli that he was breathing so loud they could have shot him in the...
September 2010
1 post
Dear Mrs. Lugbutz:
It is with a heavy heart that I must inform you of the death of your spawn, Glogz.
Glogz was a terrible creature. Vile, short-tempered, violent and foul-smelling.
That alone should make you proud.
But he also died like an orc. When it came time to ignite a bomb, he sacrificed himself. I didn’t even ask him to do that! He could have lit the fuse with a flaming arrow or flicked some matches...
August 2010
2 posts
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Thompson:
It is with deep sorrow that I write to inform you of the death of your daughter, Yeoman Leslie Thompson.
There’s no easy way to say “Your daughter got turned into a cube and crushed.” There really isn’t. Trust me, I had Spock run it through the main computer five times. All of the options suck.
But that’s what happened. Our away team was captured by aliens from...
Dear Mrs. Needa:
It is my unpleasant duty as the commanding officer of your husband, Captain Lorth Needa, to inform you of his death in the service of the Empire.
I knew your husband personally and found him to be the kind of officer who never passed the buck, always forthright and honest to a fault. Indeed, I remember the last words I said to him were to accept his apology for, oh, gosh, what was it? Wait, here...