Dear Lady Galadriel:

By now you must be aware of the death of Haldir. He fought nobly at the Battle of Helm’s Deep, but ultimately was slain by an orc while defending the walls, while defending the friendship of elves and men. 

The loss of Haldir is tragic. He was a valiant soul with a dry sense of humor. I’ll never forget when he told Gimli that he was breathing so loud they could have shot him in the dark. Ha-ha! What a card!

Not that I condone casual racism against dwarves.

(But they are serious mouth-breathers, aren’t they?)

And his hair. Oh, his hair! I don’t swing that way but when a dude has hair like that you practically don’t have to.

I can’t help but wonder if his death was a senseless waste. I can’t shake the feeling that Haldir and all those elves shouldn’t have even been there! As if it were some tragic plot contrivance that caused his untimely death. How did they even get there? They walked? They practically would have had to have left Lorien before we did. It doesn’t make any sense!

Orcs, as you know, do unspeakable things to the corpses of the dead. When we finally had retaken the Deeping Wall and found him… it was horrible. Fanny pack. Branson, Missouri hat. Celine Dion t-shirt. An elf should never be mocked so. A dwarf, sure. They’re practically asking for it. But not an elf.

Whoops, gotta go. This dead guy’s about to dump a million skulls on me.

Does that seem right? That just doesn’t seem right to me. Like Haldir’s death, like it shouldn’t even be happening. I’m having a really weird week.

Your servant,

Aragorn, son of Arathorn

Notes:

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